Hello, welcome to the first post in the series of “Radical Life” because a Radical Feminist needs to live her politics.
You Have The RIGHT To Be Happy
I could end this post with that, but I need to explain.
A little background. I was in a toxic Co-Dependent online friendship with a very toxic woman, and I eventually had the courage to block her, and she responded by trash talking me all over the net and spreading rumors and lies about me.
I felt guilty for it because I worried I had hurt her despite the friendship making me miserable and upset. I worried that I had hurt her too much, despite the fact is was the best thing for me.
But there is something I learned. I am not required to please anyone at the expense of my happiness. And neither is anyone.
If someone or something in your life is making you miserable, you have the right to get them or it out of your life. And you should do it with no guilt, but easier said that done.
While men can defiantly be matyrs, I know women have it much worse. We are taught at a young age that we are “maternal” and “nurturing” and that when we grow up we will take care of our husbands, children, and almost anyone else around us.
We will take care of everybody except ourselves.
Women are bad at self neglect. We spend so much energy on others that it is often hard to take moments just for ourselves. And many of us feel guilty when we do. We are also taught to be people pleasers.
Many of us get in at least one unhealthy relationship with a “troubled” young man with the belief that all it will take to “fix” him is love and understanding. This never works out. I will not say “almost” works out because it never does.
It is not your job to fix anyone. It is their issue. And if you try to “fix” a man it will only lead you into self neglect.
One thing is that women will often do things that should be for us, but in reality it is for someone else. Take exercise for instance. Exercise is a wonderful and important part of self care, but instead of doing it for joy , the pleasure of moment, or our own health it is often done to not get “fat” and keep the men in our lives happy.
The thing is that we often take care of everyone, but ourselves. Many women feel guilty for asking their husband or partner to look after the children, so we can have time for ourselves.
Let’s consider the fact that when the father is at home, it is often called “baby sitting” despite the fact he is looking after his own children. And he is given credit for it, despite it being daily work for a mother.
Many women think that if we try to be happy or put ourselves first for a little bit that we will be neglecting or families or careers.
Men are not taught this. Many man will be playing on a PS4 while their wife is potty training the toddler. Never bothering to ask for help.
In the end, we make ourselves miserable by trying to keep others happy.
This needs to stop. We have the right to say no. We have the right to ask for help. We have the right to do things for ourselves without being called selfish.
We have the right to be happy and guilt free.